Just when you thought “Scoop” had hung up his pen, I’m back, continuing my series of “60 Something Seconds with Scoop” Player Profiles!
My writers block was unblocked when I looked across at Malcolm Druce after our Nelson Bay game.
I was compelled and almost physically drawn towards his aura.
It’s a story that needs to be told and the sooner people know about the man and his legend, they will be better for the experience.
I hope you will join me on this magnificent journey of a man and his love for the game of Rugby.
His story is the epitome of “David and Goliath” with his ethos “no one puts baby in a corner”.
I was in awe of the sheer magnitude that of the display Mal had exhibited on his field of dreams as he stood like a Colossus off loading the ball whilst teasing the opposition.
So sit back my friends (tissues in hand) because this is his story, one of the most uplifting and heartening stories since “Old Yella”.
Name: Malcolm Druce
Nickname: The Joker or Poo (at school)
Marital Status: Happily married to Helen with two daughters
Weight: 73 kgs
Occupation: Supply Chain Manager
Age: 55
Rep Career: Newcastle U14 and U16’s Hockey, State Trialist (Hockey), Kentwell Cup for Newington Old Boys
Influence on Career: Dave Ryan and Burl talked me into it
Superstitions: Scared of 5/8’s
Ambitions: Elle McPherson
Greatest Achievement: Wife and two Daughters
Likes: Rugby, sailing and romantic sunsets
Dislikes: Sydney Traffic
G.O. Hero: 80 year old Nelson Bay Groper (played him in his first game)
G.O. Highlights: Every game, especially Moscow Lads in Wellington
G.O. Disappointments: Cracked ribs in Edinburgh, our boys going to hospital in Wellington
First Team: Newington College U15’B (scored a try)
Fears: Another Labour term
Favourite League team: Manly (secretly)
Favourite Movie: One Flew Over the Cuckoo”s Nest, Gallipoli
Favourite Actress: Helen Mirren
Favourite Actor: Charles Bronson
Favourite Meal: Scnapper
Favourite Drink: Tooheys Old, Laphroid Single Malt Whiskey
Favourite Group: Led Zeppelin
Favourite Singer: Nina Simone
Favourite Song: Angie
Favourite T.V. Show: Now For Something Completely Different
The person you would most like to be on a desert island with: My Wife Helen
The person you would least like to be on a desert island with: Julia Gillard
What would you do with your last $10: Buy 2 beers
Okay you lot, let's toughen up!
All this Christmas kissy kissy stuff is making past legend's (real men) who incidentally put the Stillbillies on the map, physically sick, including myself.
When the team smashed those talented Kiwi teams at previous G.O. Festivals, (notably 1999 and 2003), we didn't wish them Merry Christmas, we wished them sweet f... all.
All of you have turned soft, especially you Clarkey, a five-eighth's dream (big, tough and uncompromising).
I didn't realise you could write! Richie! Fair dinkum are you a frustrated copy boy or what? Get back to what you know best, scoring tries on the end of that brilliant Stillbilly backline.
Talk about get into the act, even The Viking put two words together.
About the only player who didn't send an email is Ross, WHO PROBABLY LOST HIS COMPUTER! I just hope you don't encourage Col to write a Christmas message because Santa arrives in a couple of days and it wouldn't be enough time to read it.
Anyway, congratulations Col for achieving greatness with your article that made the back page of the Sydney Morning Herald at your first attempt. I've been writing Stillbilly columns for 17 years, but no hard feelings, eh!
Amazing isn't it? Captain Burl's first attempt at leading and for the first time we have this "friends for life" occurring. I didn't get a chance to talk to Captain Burl on our most important event of the year (Christmas/Awards Night) but as Vice Captain I certainly will!
Now call me a shit stirring bastard, but did anyone notice that three forwards won the prestigious G.O. Best Player medal at the Sydney Festival? Amazingly enough I recall the backline carrying the team with many scintillating tries.
Another episode I need to get off my chest is the lost water bottle saga at the second game of the Sydney G.O. Festival. Yes I was the apprentice water boy (Mr. Hoppy was my boss) on the day because I was out with broken ribs (only a flesh wound). Talk about kick a man when he's down. The fact that the bottles were never seen again was purely coincidental.
I realise that this outburst will probably jeopardise my bid for Captaincy but with all my setbacks I tend to lead with my heart on my sleeve.
One thing that did please me was the decision on three new Life Members. Bus, Drover's Dog and Teddles, who thoroughly deserve the accolades.
By the way, Merry Christmas to you, your Families and your loved ones.
I LOVE YOU GUYS.
Scoop (ooxx).
9th August 2009 - STILLBILLIES SIDELINE MATCH REPORT
As I walked into the Terrey Hills "Field of Dreams" last Sunday, I could feel an air of expectancy following Stillbillies current form, also a full squad assembling and my announcement of yet another comeback. Sadly my chronic heartlidge problem took a turn for the worst and I failed to take up my 5/8 position and my chance to silence the critics.
The big game against Killara was ready to start with psychics Captain Dave and his first mate Bob's idea of you build the field and they will come, paying off. As sideline eye I scanned across to the opposition huddle and scarily detected plenty of youth, size, speed, hair and young children with young Mothers, although the real attraction about Killara was their abundance of upper body strength and being a connoisseur myself, I rated them highly. They didn't even need hooped socks to make their legs look bigger. When the first pass of the game bounced off Steve Hill's head I knew it was going to be a long day and when Gary Stewart took the first hit up into a brick wall I suddenly realised why the third team Wahroonga withdrew hastily on the Friday night. They had played them before! Rooky Captain "Burl" addressed his players before the game in no uncertain terms to keep the tries to a minimum but talk about a communication breakdown, the Stillbillies thought he meant scoring tries, which they obeyed to the letter. The ferocity of the game continued with Gary taking another hitup, then Dave Perry had a close encounter of the third kind when three giants smashed him. Even big Steve was looking small. Robyn at half was playing his usual tortoise and hare tactical game and Phil was playing out of his skin, which he has plenty of. Another late withdrawal from the game was referee elect, David aka Hoppy who was severely injured due to a dog food cutting incident but he still managed to rule the match with an iron thumb. A popular attraction on the day was several chiropractic students giving their services free of charge, this was especially a big hit for Mal Druce whose normal pre match nerves seemed to disappear. The scoreboard was ticking over but Gary wanted another hit up while the "Wal-nator" tried hard to ignite the back line but the Stillbillies 5/8 position can be very challenging. Depending on the tortoise and hare theory. After a great start to the game Mick had five inches taken off his height following a nasty tackle which left his ribs floating around his stomach. To the amazement of the sideline eye Mal refused to leave his comfortable chiropractic bed to replace him. Ced Johnson was fuming after the tackle on Mick and I thought his head gear would explode into the atmosphere. The game continued with the crackling of joints and rising blood pressure and yet another Gary hit up. Hemmed in on his own goal line, Jack did his impression of Steve McQueen in the Great Escape. In a moment of insanity, Jack decided to break through the Land of the Giants with a kamikaze like run that had him go missing for 15 minutes under a pile of bodies. He crouched that low I thought he would burrow his way out the other side. He didn't. Several special guests arrived at the ground during the game. Including Mick Cogan "The Barbarian" with his new bride Vicki, also the sideline eye's new granddaughter Mia Rose and Hassan's new daughter Narite. Mia and Narite are 5 1/2 months old and suddenly I had this horrible thought, Hassan could be my son! As the game progressed it was evident that Gary was enjoying the hit ups with several more while Glenn Bate almost proved that he is the real Glenn with his damaging runs capably backed up by Ross, 30 metres behind. Our entire front rower, Big Phil, returned off the bench to unsettle the Killara boys with some nasty sledging but all he received was their style of sledge. Sledge hammering! Finally yet another twist, the match was called off because of swearing after Gary's final hit up ended with an up and under of his body. The over vigorous tackle provoked Mr. Stewart with a punch that probably would have knocked the cream of a rice pudding, then using an expletive. Yes Gary used the "C" word. He explained that you simply "C"annot pile drive in Golden Oldies. Anyway everyone got the message Gazza. Then it was time for the after match speeches. This is the part where Stillbillies act like they're mates with the opposition. What a crock that is! Anyway I thought of an idea that would put Killara on the losing end. Our children should challenge their children to a game of Rugby. After the dust, the pain and the snags had settled everyone had left the ground so I ventured up to the Terrey Hills Tavern with my family and there they were, the opposition players, wives and children. At first I was sneering but suddenly I had this flashback of the Stillbillies doing exactly the same thing when we were younger and faster. So good luck to Killara. To finish off on a personal note I've almost done many things in my life and on Sunday I almost played. Everything is for a reason !!!
A STILLBILLIES SECRET ADMIRER
Do you ever feel inspired?
Well I did when I walked into the field of dreams at Terrey Hills last Sunday.
I witnessed an astonishing sight, yes a youthful looking Stillbillies outfit.
It almost makes a washed up five eight want to make a comeback!
Call it the changing of the guard, call it the end of the baby boomers or just call it plain lucky there were no silly old bastards in the back line.
Twenty two players started the first game but it was the last match that bought a tear to my eye with Ted, Mal, Ross and Ced basking in the sun (or should I say cloud) after their hit out and no sign of any 1990s super back line player (due to stress) the Stillbillies ran with skill and finesse.
With no bald heads, fat guts and excuses our kids did a job on Engadine.
Even though his ankle bone faces to all points of the globe I saw Eric the Viking set up his outside man....I did!
I saw their half back Barney Rubble throw his red shorts into the crowd and use his bionic hips with machine like precision.
Then their was Mick from the "Gods" who looks like Jesus and parted the defence like Moses.
I saw Hoppy hop off with an ankle injury but not before one of his long range specials.
Dave Perry on the wing? Now there's a sight, he looked crankier than all the inside centres who have been carried off over the years.
I saw big Gary score with a swan dive under the posts with a half pike and a degree of difficulty of 3.5.
I saw Glenn (not the real one) being robbed of a fair try by a pedantic referee, but defiant in true Stillbillies fashion score two more, just because.
The halcyon days of yesteryear were back, the pride in the No. 10, the back slapping, the friendly banter, the smell of linament and the power in the one on one eye contact between the players.
Don't you love it! And everyone was remembering the score again. Amazing!
I saw Nick, how tough is he? Nick's a mate of 'Aussie Bob' Natoli.
Now that takes some guts to admit that.
Nick made a spectactular boot lace tackle that would make most ankles quiver in their ligaments.
Then there was the Wal-nater with the biggest shoes to fill in his pivot role and wasn't overawed ,using his slight of hand.
I saw Burl and he wasn't singing Pearly Shells from the Ocean either and Bob the Webster who could hardly keep up with his new knees.
I didn't see Steve the Drover's Dog because he kept moving but I did see Sandy using his upper body strength which gave me an eery sense of de ja vu.
Yes folks it's a new era, gone are the days of bad kicking and the odd player screaming whilst being thrown over the side line.
So live your life of ease
'cause everyone of us is all we need
Thanks to all the Stillbilly players who inspired me to write this piece and rid me of my writer's block.
The Secret Admirer.